Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
