theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
