They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Life is so much better after having sex.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
