i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I woke up under a house in Key West
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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