Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize