is your mom at the bar?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
