Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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