I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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