these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
