If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
