My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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