it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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