I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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