so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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