I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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