i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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