If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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