So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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