Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
