i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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