I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
