I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
