do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Panties = found
Randomize
