Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
