I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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