we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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