So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
