dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
