I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
