If that was your dad, he is hot
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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