He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Did I show you my penis last night?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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