Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
