Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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