we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
