It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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