You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
whose ass print is on the piano?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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