Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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