yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize