She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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