Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
