Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
