He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
