Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
