MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
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