I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
