Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
