Christians are straight up FREAKS
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
