my vag is so smooth its legendary
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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