Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
