I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
