so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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