i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
