She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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