please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize