My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
