I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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