if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
