I just made out with a guy for $7.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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