Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I am one with the molecules
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
