It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize