Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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