So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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