Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
