I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
