I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
