Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
