He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize