Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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