@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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