I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
