Got a toothbrush?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
