just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
