is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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