Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
