I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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