my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You took a bar mat shot.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
