Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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