I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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