It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Boobs speak an international language.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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