wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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