walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
