But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
