Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
