We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We just shotgunned beers for America
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
