do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize