alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
