she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Dicks are not precious.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
