I just cut my nipple shaving
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
