I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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