if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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