Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
