not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
vagina is talking i cant
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
