i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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