I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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