i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
