fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
