She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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