Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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