Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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