But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
