can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
