I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
